So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
