i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
