She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
