Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
