She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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