The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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