i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
