Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
