are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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