the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
