Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
