Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
