ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
