Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
