it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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