Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
