Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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