And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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