I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
