Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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