Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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