Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
