I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
