dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
