Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
