Your face is a jimmy john
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
