What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
