I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
