when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
