So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
