Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my shit smells like andre
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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