Ambien. No doubt about it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
