I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
