there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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