I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
