So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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