Sry I called you an 8
Can i not drive my cunt home
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
