The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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