WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
