he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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