I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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