Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
