David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
