just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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