I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
