Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
