some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
