you didnt know i had herpes?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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