wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It was confusing and full of hummus
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
