guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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