he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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