My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
